The Signal
Someone finishes a sentence. Nobody answers.
One second. Two. Three.
You reach for a word, a joke, a summary. Anything.
How come we’re so uncomfortable with silence, and can we use it to build our executive presence?
Last edition was a long read. I know. I’m sorry.
There was just so much to be said on the subject; we rarely get back to.
But let me make this up to you. Today’s edition?
3min 🙂
Enjoy!
The Insight Lab
🧠 In the Brain
Let’s talk about the Pause. Yes, the act of simply not saying anything for a bit.
A mere four-second silence was enough to make people feel distressed, afraid, hurt, and rejected. Viewers weren’t even aware of the pause, yet they reported less self-assurance and more feelings of exclusion.
Your brain doesn’t read a pause as thinking time.
For it, it means a threat to belonging.
It gets more interesting for leaders.
In a follow-up, people strongly motivated to belong shifted their opinion toward the group after a silence.
So the person who fills the gap fastest isn’t always the clearest.
Scientifically, quite the opposite: they may be the most uncomfortable.
⚙️ In Practice
Obviously, the pause works both ways.
And I’m not exaggerating when I say it’s one of my favourite tools in leading!
Here’s a cheat sheet to use the Pause on purpose.
When asking: After a hard question, stay silent. Let the discomfort do the work. Warm eyes, slow breath, no rescuing.
When giving feedback: Say it once, clearly. Then stop. The silence invites them to speak, not to defend.
When setting a boundary: State it. Don’t justify it. Over-explaining says it’s up for debate. A pause lets it land.
When you feel the urge to fill the gap: Take one exhale first.
Silence plus calm says “I’m here.” Silence plus tension says “you’ve lost me.” Pair the pause with warmth.
Step-Up Challenge
This week, use one deliberate pause in feedback or boundary conversation.
Count the seconds (I rarely get to 4 before they start speaking)
Notice your own urge to fill up the silence.
This month at Creative Brain
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Closing Loop
The silence was never empty. It was the space where clarity needed to land.
You can’t manage the urge to fill it if you don’t notice it first.
Next in the Loop:
When Doing Nothing Becomes the Decision
Expert article by a new Clarity Loop Contributor! I’m excited.
I’m Mary Senkowska, a CEO at Creative Brain, where we build Future-ready Leaders.
Have a lovely Sunday ahead!
PS. References for the Pause research
Koudenburg, N., Postmes, T., & Gordijn, E. H. (2011). Disrupting the flow: How brief silences in group conversations affect social needs. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology. The conformity follow-up is Koudenburg, Postmes & Gordijn (2013).